During a recent networking zoom call, one of the members said “Ok, I’m just going to be vulnerable here and share what’s really going on in my life.” My initial reaction to this statement was to prepare myself to listen to some deep dark secret and maybe shed a few tears with her. And while she did indeed share a tough story and I did express my encouragement and support for her, the specific use of the word “vulnerable” got me thinking: “Is vulnerability merely the latest buzz word or is there more to it?”
Here’s what my research revealed:
Vulnerability is not merely the latest buzz word. The concept of vulnerability as an opportunity for leadership and growth has been around for quite some time. Brené Brown’s book “Daring Greatly”: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead” was Published 8 years ago in 2012. In her book, Brown dispels 4 myths of vulnerability: 1) Vulnerability is a weakness. 2) Some people can’t experience vulnerability. 3) Vulnerability means spilling some of your secrets (a myth that I fell subject to). 4) You can go it alone.
Being vulnerable does not mean shedding tears. Brené Brown writes: “Embracing vulnerability means having the courage to face your fears and the wild uncertainty of the future.” In his article “Why the Best Leaders View Vulnerability as a Strength” Ray Williams writes: “Being vulnerable in the workspace doesn’t mean you walk around with a box of tissues and share your deepest, most personal secrets with everyone.” And authors Kaplan and Manchester write “Being vulnerable isn’t a bad thing and it doesn’t make you weak; it actually makes you a better leader because you stop wasting energy protecting yourself from what you think other people shouldn’t see. It allows you to start showing your authentic self.”
Vulnerability and Great Leadership go hand-in-hand. Vulnerable leaders inspire, are more authentic, and build bonds that lead to increased performance.(Emma Seppala 2014 HBR article). Howard Shultz, CEO of Starbucks, once said, “The hardest thing about being a leader is demonstrating or showing vulnerability… When the leader demonstrates vulnerability and sensibility and brings people together, the team wins.” By acknowledging that they don’t have all the answers, leaders allow others to contribute their ideas and criticisms. (The Power of Vulnerability Kaplan and Manchester)
What can you do to cultivate a more vulnerable style of leadership?
Here are some suggestions from a recent HBR article “Today’s Leaders Need Vulnerability, Not Bravado”
Start by telling the truth. Share your candid perspective with others, what you know, and what you don’t know.
Ask for help. Leadership is not heroic. It is not about the actual person in charge; rather, it is unlocking the forces that bring people together as a team. This authenticity will increase their commitment to you and will unleash their ideas and energy to tackle the challenges at hand. Brene Brown writes: “When we ask others “Can you help me with this? What are your thoughts on this issue? Are you willing to work on this together with me?” “I’m not sure what we should do here,” we are expressing our vulnerabilities in a courageous and positive way.”
When you make a mistake, admit it and apologize. no matter how disappointed people are, they will appreciate your honesty and trust you more than if you lie to them.
Engage others in your journey of self-improvement. Openly share your feedback (360s, performance reviews, upward feedback, etc.) with your team. One of the leaders they interviewed said to their team: “Look, I am not very good at giving feedback and developing others’ performance. So, from now on I am committing to communicating more, mentoring others, and helping my team members advance their careers, in the hope that this will improve my leadership skills.”
Here are a few personal examples from my life and career:
Know your limitations and acknowledge them, ask for help – I was struggling to get my mentorship ideas off the ground. I work better in a team environment and as a solopreneur, the “team of one” just wasn’t working for me. I shared this struggle with a few colleagues. They provided great advice and encouragement that enabled me to collaborate with Stacey Felzer to launch the Empowering Women Mentorship Program. Because I was aware of my limitations, admitted my struggles and asked for help, we are ready to celebrate the completion of our inaugural class.
When you make a mistake, admit it and apologize. When I was with Coleman Cable, we initiated and secured approval for a new software system promising to improve on-time and complete shipping and delivery performance. After almost a year of project planning, programming and testing; thousands of man-hours; way too many consulting fees$ and months of go-live delays; we finally had to break the news to our CEO that we needed to cut-bait…we had to admit that we made a mistake, that despite our best efforts, we were not able to make this new software work with our legacy business system. As difficult as it was to acknowledge and take ownership of this costly mistake, in doing so, we earned the trust and respect of our CEO and the team.
How do you demonstrate vulnerability in your life and career? Please share your insights and stories in the comments.
Photo by Milan Ivanovic on Unsplash