Mentoring is becoming widely recognized as a tool for personal and professional development. Particular focus seems to be on boomers mentoring millennials, women mentoring women and men mentoring women.
But what about the benefits of women mentoring men?
Research shows that men approach a mentoring relationship focused on “how to climb the corporate ladder” and less about “feelings” and the soft skills. Having a female mentor can not only help men develop their soft skills, she can also help them understand how to provide support for women in the workplace. Melissa Lamson says it well: “If I were a man who saw a personal, moral, or business reason to support gender diversity in my workplace, I would go to a female colleague and ask her to mentor me.”
Why don’t we see more women mentoring men?
First – women often assume that men are unlikely to seek mentorship from experienced female colleagues. Having spent more than 30 years in a male-dominated industry, I found multiple opportunities to mentor the men I worked with. Perhaps they didn’t seek my “mentorship” per se, but they certainly sought my advice and guidance. So, women, don’t assume the men in your company or industry aren’t interested in having a female mentor.
Second – while many professional, intelligent men want to understand how to better learn from and relate to their female colleagues, most don’t necessarily know how to ask for that kind of insight or training. Stepping outside the boundaries of their comfort zone, being humble enough to ask for help is difficult for men. Sometimes they need us women to reach out and offer our insight and guidance.
I found the men that I mentored primarily looked to me for guidance on the soft skills. How to develop “finesse” or how to “improve their presence”. The men I worked with figured out how to ask for help. They overcame the apprehension about stepping out of bounds.
When Russ asked me to help with his “finesse” he specifically said “Hey KJ, you’re so good at finesse, I wonder if you can help me develop my finesse skills?” I was honored to have him share specific situations and provide my ideas as to how I would handle them.
There is a key lesson here in finding a mentor. Find a person who exemplifies the very skill you want to work on, and then ask them to help you develop that skill.
Through our mentoring journey, Russ and I forged a friendship that I wouldn’t trade for anything. Russ still calls me occasionally for help with his finesse skills. What a loss it would have been had he not reached out for the value of “an experienced female colleague”?
So here’s my call to action:
Men: Go find a woman who can mentor you and help you learn how to be an ally in the workplace.
Women: Step up and take on the responsibility for mentoring your male colleagues.