I’m reading “Girl, Wash Your Face” by Rachel Hollis. The book is composed of 20 chapters centered on 20 lies Hollis said she formerly told herself.
Chapter Four inspired me with “A story about hairy toes, a girl named Schmina, and adolescent angst... (that) may seem like the most frivolous topic ever.”
Rachel tells the story of a classmate who admitted to shaving her hairy toes....eeewww! The story continues with Rachel admitting that she “talked soooo much smack about Schmina and her hairy toes”....and all the while she, Rachel herself, had hairy toes!
What inspired me is this quote:
“I dare say that tearing down other women is usually based on something no less frivolous than the insecurities of our fourteen-year-old selves.”
Insecurities about our own hairy toes may seem frivolous! But whether we talk smack or merely roll our eyes at something a fellow woman says or does, we are essentially “judging” them, just as Rachel was judging Schmina.
I challenge you to take a different approach.
What if we could dig deeper to understand that other woman’s individual circumstances? Might we begin to understand her situation? What if, instead of judging, talking smack or sighing with an “oh my goodness” disbelief, we consider offering to mentor that woman? Maybe she needs an ear to bend or a helping hand, maybe she wants to advance but isn’t sure how to move forward. Whatever the circumstance, by offering your experience and advice, you can build up that fellow woman in our industry. Not fix her; but build her up.
How do you ask to be a mentor to someone?
Here are a couple of ideas:
Grab a cup of coffee. Mentoring doesn’t have to be complicated. Similar to asking someone to be your mentor, you can offer to be her mentor over a cup of coffee. “Hey Sue, you seem to have some great ambitions and I’d love to hear about them and share experiences in the industry over a cup of coffee.”
Peer Mentoring. If she’s at the same level in her career as you are, peer mentoring and peer networking go hand in hand. This can be a cup of coffee or a more extensive mentoring relationship. Building rapport takes more than one meeting. Ask her to join you in a peer mentorship in which you commit to 6 calls (or meetings) over a 12-week timeframe. During the meetings, you can share experiences, ideas and contacts. The first couple of meetings may be awkward as you get to know each other. But by the 3rd or 4th meeting, you’ll be amazed at how much you both are learning and growing.
Share your story. Offer her a story about a challenge you faced and how you dealt with it, especially if you had the help of a mentor. This way you’re sharing your experience without actually asking “can I mentor you?”
It’s proven that mentoring benefits both mentees and mentors. So take the opportunity to enjoy the benefits of being a mentor. It’s so much more valuable and less frivolous than talking smack and judging.
If you have other ideas on how to start a mentoring relationship as a mentor, I’d love to hear about them. Send them to me at info@kjcompany.net.
Photo by Hannah Busing on Unsplash