Trust builds over time in getting to know one another. Establishing a connection and rapport with your mentoring partner is difficult enough when you meet face-to face, and it’s even tougher (although not impossible) in the virtual environment.
In my mentoring guidebook, I provide tips for building trust and rapport. Things like:
Use plain-speaking, straight talk…be yourself.
Be honest and open, transparent and consistent.
Demonstrate respect in all interactions.
Keep your commitments…do what you say.
These apply to virtual mentoring relationships as well; however, in the virtual environment, here are a few additional tips to foster the relationship:
Use VIDEO – I wasn’t a big fan of enabling my video when on conference calls. A colleague even put a post-it over his laptop camera to make sure no one saw his face. But one positive outcome of the stay-at-home order is that it forced me (and many others) to embrace video as a way to connect virtually. Video provides richer context, with facial expressions, tonality, and other cues that are lost in other communication modes, like talking over the phone. Leverage video in your virtual mentoring relationship and you will be more focused, recognize visual cues and build trust much more quickly.
Be DELIBERATE and INTENTIONAL – plan how you will leverage technology, time, and questions to demonstrate a genuine interest in your mentorship. Being purposeful with your interactions will help you maximize your time to develop your relationship.
Remember the LITTLE and BIG things – A crucial aspect of developing rapport in any relationship is to remember the things you learn about the other person. This doesn’t mean artificially referencing these bits of information, rather genuinely take an interest. I had a professor in grad school who, on the first day of class, went around the room and had everyone introduce themselves with 3 things: name, where we grew up and where we went to undergrad. Then he said, “at the end of the semester, I will tell you my secret tip for remembering all of you (all 40 of us)”. During our final class, he went around the room and recounted the 3 things that each and every one of us said during our introduction! Then he shared his secret tip. “I remember each of you.....wait for it.....because I care”. That’s it! Just take a genuine, caring interest. It’s the “little” interactions like these that make a big difference in the nature of your relationship.
Leverage “SWIFT TRUST” – According to an HBR Article, “when groups first form, people are usually willing to give others the benefit of the doubt. Honeymoon period.” Swift trust is fostered if you have clear goals and, according to the article, while swift trust tends to decay, it can hold you together until interpersonal trust (a more lasting and tested bond) has a chance to develop.
Continue the CHIT-CHAT to build INTERPERSONAL TRUST - instead of jumping into your mentoring discussion, start your meetings by asking your mentor about what’s been happening in her life, both professionally and personally. And share what’s happening in yours. I used to think sharing personal information or asking “how was your weekend” with mentors and clients was “wasting their time.” Then one of my mentors pointed out that people want to know you as a person, and that requires you make the time and effort to BE a person, share personal information and listen when others share their personal information.
And finally….above all…BE PATIENT! Remember that trust and rapport, whether live or virtual, build over time. If your first couple of virtual meetings are uncomfortable, don’t give up. Continue the conversations, follow these tips and give it time.
Do you have other helpful tips on building trust and rapport? I’ve love to hear them. Send to me at Info@KJCompany.net.